Thursday, June 10, 2010

Chaffin Shoes

"If however, the spot is unchanged and has not spread in the skin but has faded, it is a swelling from the burn, and the priest shall pronounce him clean; it is only a scar from the burn." Leviticus 13:28

I know the direction I'm wanting to go in this blog, but the route to get there, I haven't fully figured out yet so I'm just going to jot down my thoughts as I type.
On March 2001, I went for a walk on the beach with a person who I was beginning to think about more and more in those days. I remember wearing my "Chaffin shoes" as we walked. [Chaffin shoes = $3 black Adidas knock-off sandals from Walmart].

As the water washed over my feet as I walked, it made my Chaffin shoes rub a little on the tops of my feet. By the time I got home and looked at my feet, I had two identical red and raw wounds in the same spot on the tops of my feet. Weeks went by and I would look down and the spots were still there, although they had healed over and faded. At the time I thought it was kind of cool because it was like a visible memory of that night.

Weeks turned to months and months turned to years... those two red spots never went away. I began to realize that the wounds I got on my feet that night left me with scars that would be with me forever... only it wasn't as cool anymore as I had originally thought.

A couple of months ago I looked down at my feet and realized that those marks were gone. I have to admit that I was surprised they weren't there anymore after having faded but still remained for almost 9 years. I was sort of happy that they were gone because that was one less memory of the beginning of something I thought was wonderful but turned out to be anything but.

Well, wouldn't you know that a few weeks ago I wore a different pair of sandals to work and again, came home with a red patch in the same spot, but only on my right foot. It reminded me again of the first scars that had vanished. The initial wound is now gone, but the scar remains. It doesn't hurt anymore but the faded mark is still there.

I was listening to Beth Moore last night on TV and she made an interesting comment about scars. She said that the thing about scars is that scars don't hurt. If it still hurts, it's not a scar... it's still an open wound.

I'm so thankful to have come to the place where it doesn't hurt anymore. I feel like there are still a few wounds that have scabbed over and can be picked off again, however they don't bleed as badly as they did originally. And ultimately they will become scars as well, just like the scarred reminder on my right foot.

I'd like to end this post with the lyrics from a song I've liked since the first time I heard it by Point of Grace.

Heal the Wound but Leave the Scar

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful
You are I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Path Unfolding

I Chronicles 16:11 "Look to the LORD and His strength; seek His face always."

Over the past few days I have been obsessed about the future and decisions to be made. Should I do this or should I do that? Is this going to happen or is that going to happen? As I've been praying for some insight into what to do or what to say, the Lord answered me but not in the way I was expecting. He didn't tell me what to do. He didn't tell me what to say. Instead he reminded me that I was seeking an outcome rather than seeking His face.

Could it be that if we focus on these things the path will unfold before us?