"Moses said to the Lord, 'Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.'" ...[The Lord replied] "I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do." Exodus 4: 10, 15
A few times a year, my kids, ages 8 and 5, visit with their dad out of state for about a week at a time. Their adjustment back to regular life always takes time even with their occasional, local visits, but these longer visits so far away are quite trying upon their return.
Right now is one of those times. They were away last week for Thanksgiving. Typically when they get home, especially the first few nights are met with crying and not wanting me to leave the room at night. This time around there hasn't really been crying but there have still been the effects of the separation, especially with my 8 year old special needs son. He has regressed more than usual this time and has become very clingy, wanting to be by my side every minute and wanting me to help him do everything from putting on his socks to packing his backpack in the morning. The most noticeable thing, though, are these tics that he has come home with. He has various tics from time to time but this time, it's been a full body jerking type of movement and it has been very pronounced. I noticed it the first thing when he got off the plane. And I've noticed that it's magnified when we talk about daddy or anything from the trip.
It's very difficult for me, as a parent, to see my kids struggling both physically and emotionally. I want to fix it. I want to understand the causes and find answers how to help them cope. At the same time, I know I need to deal with my own anxiety over the situation because they will pick up on that and I don't want it to aggrevate the situation.
As I was thinking about this earlier today, I was reminded of Moses. He didn't feel equipped for the job that God had called him to because he was not eloquent of speech. Man, can I relate! The Lord replied that He would help Moses and teach him.
I think often times it is easy to make the leap to think that it means the mission would be easy... because the Lord promised to go with him. But that wasn't the case at all. There were so many times along the way when Moses wanted to give up. Things weren't going like he thought they should if God was on his side. It wasn't easy at all. But God never went back on His promise to help and to teach.
I don't know why God chose me to be the mother for my two, sweet little boys. And it definitely isn't easy. But somehow he saw me fit to do the job and I know that He goes along with me just as He did with Moses. In a way, I'm thankful for eyes to see the deeper issues beyond the surface of what my boys are dealing with because it motivates me to want to learn all that I can to help them deal with life. Unfortunately, they are innocent parties of divorce and that is the reality that we are faced with. It isn't going away, so we have to deal with it the best way that we can. I don't even want to imagine the struggles ahead of us during puberty (eek!) but I have to believe that God is using these trials now to prepare us to be better able to handle the future and that is a blessing. I wish the blessing came in a prettier, easier package but this is reality. And in the midst of it all, is the Lord and all of His unseen armies.
Lord, You know the anxieties I am dealing with right now. I pray that I would recognize Your peace to calm the innermost parts of my soul. I pray that I would always remember that You are God and You have promised never to leave me and always to guide me. I pray that you would place your special wings of protection around my boys and help them to be able to express the things they need to in a healthy way, and that You would allow me the strength to face the unique struggles that come our way. Thank You for your salvation and Your goodness. Amen.